i almost wish i had rice-a-roni,

so that i could have something to cry into while not feeling too bad about the loss of at the same time.


Les Beehive – W Magazine’s September Issue

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A batch of wonderful book dedications.

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dreams of recent past:

[1] i’m at this lake party with kibbles, or some girl who looks a lot like kibbles, but is mean and supposed to be my best friend.
we’re standing on a dock and people-watching.
most people are in the water, lounging on their uniquely-shaped flotation devices.

"ooo look, there’s my uncle and the stripper he’s dating!" she exclaims, pointing to a really old couple sitting on a sailboat-shaped flotation device.

the idea that an elderly woman can financially support herself as a stripper confuses me.

"is that your aunt..?" i ask hesitantly.

"fuck no! that’s not my fuckin’ aunt!"

i decide it’s best not to ask.
kibbles-not-kibbles turns her attention toward antagonizing a girl in the water who is swimming in long underwear with a blue skirt over it.

[2] i’m in school again, taking the same three classes i dropped the previous semester because i slept through those or something.
i go home for the weekend but decide to take a bike ride (real me can’t even ride a bike anymore) and find myself somewhere halfway between minneapolis and mankato, then jonny calls me, saying i should come see him for his birthday, so i say sure (even though real me doesn’t talk to jonny anymore).
it starts to sprinkle, so i tell him i have to go and will probably be there in a few hours, but somehow i make it in a half hour.

dream-jonny pours himself a very stiff whiskey drink and we sit on the couch to shoot the shit and watch a movie.
i ask for a drink after he finishes his…he pours himself a WHOLE glass of vodka, and my drink is three-quarters vodka.
we talk until we fall asleep on the couch.

i realize i didn’t bring anything i would need if i were staying somewhere for a few days, or a birthday present, but it’s cool because dream-jonny lives with his family and has siblings and i can use his mom’s eye-makeup i guess which is nice.
she has this whole display of make-up like you’d see at a make-up counter for people to sample.

i leave after a couple of days, taking the magical 30-minute bike path.
when i arrive wherever my home is, i text jonny and tell him i don’t want to talk to him anymore, because he promised he’d ask me out next time he saw me in person, and he didn’t.
then i start a text to a person i am kinda-sorta seeing (in real life), saying that i don’t think i can do it anymore, because i am scared of getting hurt…but turn it into something mean, to push him away.
i don’t remember what it is because that’s when i was waking up.



ZAcxBAkye0k by annashakina

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